OMG Shadow613... I could have written this post... I think I have previously... I won't go into all of the sorry details. But what you wrote about the "split personality", the "caged beast", "knowing what's hiding inside", the exhaustion & wondering what would happen if it ever got loose, & wondering if one day you may crack... all of this is right out of my "playbook".

I recently returned to PC after having been gone for a few months. I still have old posts on here that are now attributed to "Anonymous". One of them, which I had taken down, went into a fair amount of detail with regard to this. It was bizarre... perhaps I'll write about it again. I'll have to think that one over.

Anyway, I'd like to send warm wishes your way with the hope that you might one day find a way to make peace with that hidden beast.