Hi Sonnetta, welcome to PC. I hope that your time reading different posts have helped you a bit. It IS really hard to get others to understand and I have to be honest, had I not experienced this first hand I may not have been able to understand it myself.

Yesterday I went and had an endoscopy. I had met with a doctor ahead of time and explained that I do suffer from PTSD and to please be patient with me. When I went for the procedure one of the nurses heard me say I had horses and ponies and she made it a point to tell me how she loves horses and donates her time at a big Therapudic Riding Facility. When she told me the name, I told her one of my horses was there to which she responded with enthusiasm that she knew my horse and that he was everyone's favorite, that he was so wonderful with children and such a loving horse.

While I was under anethesia I relived all of how that horse was badly damaged and as I was coming to I was crying and crying. I had not expected that conversation to take place, nor did I expect to relive all of that trauma under anesthesia. I cried the rest of that day and got very little sleep last night. And I know these individuals will not understand how that procedure turned into me being under but reliving the way I did. I guess I was crying during the procedure and they had to stretch my jaw to stay open and today all the soft tissue below my jaw is so sore, so very sore, I can't even touch it.