They say anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. I know I'm often depressed, but I seem to be more prone to anxiety and worry over the last few months. It's not pathological, though, the worry has a cause. I read things and worry about how they apply to me, or how I measure up, or what something implies about me (usually that I'm a terrible person). I ruminate all day until I either think my way out of the problem and rationalize my behavior or plan a change and convince myself it's okay, or into to sleep and forget about it by the time I wake up. In the meantime the most I can do is distract myself.

I hate living like this. I can't believe I'm saying this, but knowledge and thought is a curse, a torture. I always thought I'm not gifted enough o say something like that, but even in my normality it's true. I stress myself out constantly and it feels like I can't stop.