Dear T

I'm feeling so lonely. And hopeless. I'm having negative thoughts. I know I should have already said stop to those thoughts. I shouldn't keep thinking those thoughts. But it's so hard not to. And feeling bad and thinking these thougths, they do have one more reason to have them, other than that this feeling is familiar and ''save''. If I keep thinking negative thoughts and keep feeling bad, then maybe I wil feel worse and worse
This I didn't told you and I'm afraid to tell you.
I just don't see another option. I'm not getting better. I never won't. I'm a failure. I can't go on like this. It's pointless. It hurts. I'm exhausted.

I'm not sure why I'm afraid to tell you. I think I'm afraid for your reaction. Or for how it will make you feel. Though I've never seen that anything I told you has upset you. So I don't think the stuff I tell affects you.
I'm not afraid to lose you. In the first few months of this year I was very afraid to lose you. But now, I don't really care. It would be hard to not see see you anymore. But you can't help me. Nobody can. So maybe you should give up on me. Everyone else has. I have.