Hello, I am new here and I am scared.

I am a male (gay), 19 yo.

I love food, I usually eat before I am actually hungry and also when I am bored but my weight hasn't changer for a year though. However I felt bad for eaiting "so much" sometimes but my will wasn't strong enough to stop.

Everything changed on Monday morning when I had a yogurt for breakfast and then I didn't take any food to school. I managed not to eat till the evening when I had another yogurt. It surprised me. I wasn't hungry like this for ages, if ever. But I kinda enjoyned the feeling andI felt happy. The next day was the same. Then on Wednesday and ThursdayI had to eat a little bit more (my parents served me dinner) but it was still much more less than I would normally eat. Today (Friday) I didn't eat anything till it was 24 hours since my last meal and I had a yogurt and a few almonds in the afternoon. Now I feel pretty hungry again but there is something inside my head which is "blocking" me from going to the kitchen and just grab something. I don't even feel desire to eat.

I am not sure why I behave like this suddendly. Yes, I have struggled from body dismorphic disorder for years (because of my crooked spine) but never from feeling fat or something. Now I have a goal is to lose to loose some weight just to know if I'll look better. I know it is bad, I saw lots of pictures of very unhappy anorexic people but at the same time I feel I want to be really thin. Everytime I say to myself I should stop now I feel like it would be "a failure at my goal".

I don't know what to do, I feel so confused. I am scared what would my boyfriend and parents think of me if they knew.

What do you think does it mean?