(Dexter, here's one way I hope to avoid triggering unpleasant associations for others.

DOWNSOLONG: IT'S NOT ABOUT THEM. IT'S ABOUT US.

I've been lurking and making excuses about how I don't have the time to respond to you, Downsolong. I see so much of myself in you, however, that it might be time for me to speak up.

Probably most of us want to help ourselves in the here and now, rather than trying to change THEM (system X).

Long ago, when my life was about THEM and the power I had given away to them, I was a kneejerk reactionary. They owned me. I wasn't my own person. I was only a series of preprogrammed responses to whatever carrot-and-stick they used on me.

For THEM you can substitute any system, group, organization, institution, or political entity, including that institution known as the family. There's no need to name it.

Like you, I have had a lot of resentments about religion, politics, and various parts of the system. These days I don't play their game if the odds are wrong, or if they offer nothing worth the hassle, or I will work to beat them at their own game if it's worth the battle.

Yesterday I had a great day. After a 4-hour battle, I won. The system is missing a few front teeth, and it will think twice before trying to mess with me again. As Hannibal of the A-Team used to say, "I love it when a plan comes together."

I don't often do battle, however. I usually simply choose to accept reality as it is, that the system is the system. Then I move on to tactics and strategies that will get me more of what I need and want.

A TV character I like a lot was walking down the hall with his friend, who had been bitten in the butt rather severely by their particular system and was really smarting. The victim muttered, "The system really sucks." My favorite character kept right on walking, didn't even look at his friend, and merely said gently, "The system is the system."

Being sucked into an emotional involvement with a system that obviously has no heart and certainly doesn't have our best interests in mind makes no sense.

Why do we allow this? Because we cannot bear to be denied acceptance? Because we need approval so much? Because we're addicted to whatever carrots they offer? Because we're so afraid of the stick with which they threaten us? Because they push our buttons better than we push theirs?

Those questions are for ourselves alone, and the answers are nobody else's business. I had to ask them of myself, however, to find out why I kept focusing on the bad guys instead of playing games I could win. CHIEFLY, my rule now is to never play another person's game --- unless to do so is part of a mega-game of my own. Ahem! Pretty arrogant? You bet! And that attitude serves me well, which is why I keep it.

Even (or especially) if I am playing a life-or-death game, I am going to fare better if I focus on what serves my own interests and promotes my own welfare --- rather than focusing on THEM (system X) or their motives, organization, hierarchy, injustices, and generally evildoing ways.

I may choose to relate to THEM (any system), and may decide to play by their rules, but only if doing so clearly serves my own purposes. Even then, sometimes I win and sometimes I lose, because all gamblers know the odds are with the house.

For that reason, I never do battle or negotiate except from a position of strength. Sometimes my strength is only that I can play the role of righteous aggrieved person better than they can play the role of wolves in sheep's clothing. That can be enough.

I don't have to tell you the details of my encounters. I don't even have to tell you what system I beat at their own game. And I can just tell you in general what I do to keep my socks up when I take a loss. I can quote you GENERIC situations (money denied, approval denied, wrongful punishment dished out, reputation attacked, benefits wrongfully withheld, etc.).

If I keep the situations GENERIC, and not tied to a particular system or institution or group, seems the chances are good that nobody here will have unpleasant associations triggered.

Isn't this board about sharing our tactics and strategies for survival? These are GENERIC situations, sets of choices, conflicts, skill sets in action, and conflict resolutions. It profits me more to learn good GENERIC MOVES, which can be applied to any game, than to focus on and communicate about specific games or gamesters.

I see a win/win here. What do you think, Downsolong?

Adieu