((((((((((((((((((((((((((((bellaviolet))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry that things are so hard. Please try and not be so hard on yourself about the SI. You didn't do it for a long time and you can rely on what helped you before. Sometimes the alcohol and the SI are not a good combination. It appears the alcohol and the urge to SI are ways you are trying to cope with such a painful situation. Maybe you can brainstorm to come up with a way that is not hurting yourself? Please take care.

BB