Thanks for your replies, really helps me

I won't lie that I have a little devil on my shoulder that wants to cater into what he wants, just to piss her off and.. chance of ruining things for them even more?

meanwhile he keeps persuading me: he is terrified i won't be in his life.

also.. there's all these feelings of desire and.. just as it was in the very beginning. it's oddly satisfying to have someone sort of worship you. i know this all sounds weird but. I'm really torn in what to do. I know moving on and disappearing is the most normal option, if here would have left me for someone he really likes more. But given the circumstances that he's forced to be there or whatever, part of me wants to ruin her so i can get him back.