Hi there,

I had posted in another forum but felt I needed to post in general as well.

My sister found out Thursday night that her husband is having an affair. We are all shocked - never would have expected something like this.

On Thursday night he was sleeping (working third shift so he get's up at like 11:00 to go in). She was down stairs and I'm not sure what happened, if his cell phone range I think, and she got the phone and her his voicemails. There were two on there from a woman who said she was laying on the beach with the wind blowing on her skin and she was thinking of him missing him.

So she went right upstairs, turned on the light, tore the covers off him and asked him why he was having an affair. He was stuttering like he was sleeping and she told him to get his *** awake. He wouldn't say much of anything other than "I dont' know, I can't get my thoughts together". But basically did not deny it. She asked if they could work on the marriage, could it be saved and he wouldn't really give her an answer. He then jumped up to go to work.

On further discussions since Thursday she has gotten little out of him other than:

He said that he had been trying to think of a way to tell her but was having trouble getting his thoughts together;

She asked if he wanted a divorce and he said "ugh I hate that word I never wanted a divorce";

He had said that this only had started a couple weeks ago;

He also refuses to go to "stupid counselors";

When I got home from work Friday my sister brought his cell phone over and I registered it online so I could go into their past bills. The bill that just ended was $350 because he went over the minutes. Through investigating, I was able to figure out her home number, cell number, and work number. Well, coincidentally she works indirectly for him! He recently was promoted to supervisor of third shift that oversees many different locations. He works out of the main office and him and another girl have to split up all the locations and visit them at least twice a month.

Well, apparently he did more than visit this one. I have her name and I printed down the bill so that my sister has documentation of what's happening. We also discovered he has been speaking to her since June 5th and that the whole time we were on vacation in New Hampshire he was going out to call her. So he would get out of bed with my sister - supposedly celebrating their 5th wedding anniversary and then go out and call her.

She confronted him again yesterday and said they needed to talk. He still won't look her in the eye and still keeps mumbling. So then he said, "Well the ball is in your court" - what? She doesn't even know what's going on! So she said "okay, I want you to call her tell her it's over and that you are working this out with your wife". To which he said "okay, I guess the ball is not in your court"!

He said that even if he told her he wouldn't see her anymore, he can't promise that he wouldn't. So even though he won't say it, apparently he wants a divorce and wants to be with her. He keeps trying to turn it around on my sister. He said "I'm surprised you haven't kicked my out yet", and then "you're the one that said if I ever crossed the line and had sex with someone else it is all over". So, a divorce would be her fault? I told her that he is being a p***y - he doesn't want people to think he divorced her, so he's trying to push her to divorce him.

He has said she could have everything - damn straight! Then when she said yes, including the house he said he wants money for the house. Are you kidding? Her $10,000 from the previous house she owned without him was what put the down payment on this one. And, last year they refinanced to, in part, pay off his credit card bills - so he is already way ahead of the game.

She is going to call someone she knows who is a local attorney with many connections to get referred to a divorce attorney. If he pushes about the house, she will push back by saying she get's half his retiremment (which would kill him) and half of his annuity that he has.

I also told her she should sue for alimony because her illness got worse during the marriage and he encouraged her to go part time and work four days a week and he picked up more of the expenses.

We also have to figure out what we will do when he's gone. I've run up so many medical bills that between the two of us we don't think we will be able to make the mortgage (especially since it was refinanced!). So my sister and niece might move in on my side (we are in a duplex) and we can rent her side for awhile until we all get back on our feet again. I told her not to worry that I am always going to be here for her and one way or another everything will work out.

Sorry this is long - I just needed to vent. To see my sister devasted breaks my heart because she is everything to me.

Tranquility