i had suffered from mild depression four years ago, up to the point I found myself alone in the kitchen I sought for professional help, with CBT I dealt with my depression, and laters in life, I find myself happier than I ever was.

One tiny glitch though. Ever since I survived from my depression, whenever I face with problems (real problems) that needed my attention, my thoughts are racing so fast, I will find myself in panic mode, or as what professional will call it an anxiety attack.

Whenever I am facing a problem that I think there's no way out, I will become paranoid, and think of the worst outcome, on which I will not be able to handle, and usually that's when my suicidal thought comes back.
since last four years i only had 3 or 4 suicidal feelings. but tonight, I feel tonight is the worst, that i tried to
i just want to harm myself a little bit, because i was brought up in the religious environment that i've been thought killing yourself is considered one of the biggest sin, that being said, I don't want to find out about my punishment later of killing myself.

so, some really big problem arise, and i dont know the way out that's why i am writing this, because im pretty sure i will sleep holding my cutter tonight. so please help me, if there's anything i can do to take my mind off or how to deal with a problem.