Thanks finding my way, I understand what you mean totally by them always being with you and aware, that's how it seemed to be for me the last 10-15 years. I know the littlest one was with me in some of my sessions listening and trying to see if she could trust this man. As far as I know she's never been out in session, they only seemed to show when they felt safe, which is typically when we've been alone. My ex told me that she made deals with them that they would only come out when it was safe and to let me deal with the "big" stuff. And it seems that even to this day they abide by that deal.

I'm sure I probably scared them and the trust issues bit them hard... Tho I can't figure out what I need to do to get them to talk to me again, I miss them so much and the silence has surely unbalanced me some. I know they aren't gone, they just aren't speaking to me at all. I will find notes from them when I journal maybe once a week they'll say something. I'll write nots to them that I'm not sure if they've read or not. And I've apologized for my actions many times. I've asked them what they want from me tho never gotten an answer.

I know most people would probably be happy with them gone, tho for me it's like I lost my last friend and my mind has dumped me just like everyone else. It's not helping me feel like I'm a likable person in the least. Self esteem has taken a huge hit with this.

Thanks for listening reading if you got this far, I'm actually amazed I've been able to write it all out so far..