Some of you will remember just how long I wait before going into the hospital. I loathe it like many others also loathe it but it is also a major, MAJOR inconvenience as I am a stay at home mom of three kiddos with no available childcare and no money. It is detrimental to me to stay out of the hospital. However, yesterday, I was so afraid, I almost had my husband take me in. I am so unwell. My thoughts are puzzled, unreasonable and troubling to me. Today I actually went to the movies with my family and last night out to eat with my husband, both places against my better judgement. I did okay, only feeling panicked while in the theater, but able to remain where I was. Last night, however, when we picked my kids up from my in laws, I heard noise coming from everywhere and felt detached reality and had to remove myself from the room and rush my husband because I almost began to cry (so embarrassing). Now I feel like I can't go to my nephew's first birthday party; I'm certain I can't go, but I also don't want to stay at home and cry either. I have my group on Monday evening, my pdoc appt Tues afternoon, and my new t appt on wed afternoon, maybe having these things will give me something to look forward to and keep my focus for a few days. I am struggling. Thanks for listening.