I'm overall sad with how my whole life has ended up. I'll never be the parent, wife, or employee I wanted to be. Sure technically I'm capable of more kids, but history has shown I suck. I'm not fighter my kids needed me to be, and didn't have the support I needed, thus they didn't get what they needed from me.

My daughters dad has a great supportive family. That's why she's doing better with him, even though the guardian ad litem said I was more attentive. During our marriage he quit his job, and worked inconsistently. He had his parents paying our mortgage, and now he's married to a bread winner, they are all happy.

I really can't take all this pain, and solitude I have. Plus all the hatred, and anger people in my family have towards me. In addition to the dissassociation from others. As a kid even teachers were cruel to me. It just never ends. My hope fountain is running dry. I always was hopeful but it's just not there now.