In an awkward position. Not sure how to word this as it's going to sound convoluted no matter how I put it: I'm back on level 2 observations (checked every 10 mins rather than having someone with me 24/7) on strict provisions that I had to agree to. I'm still currently an informal patient but I think that were I to try and discharge myself that would change... Anyway, I digress... Were I to break the agreement, causing serious harm to myself, I would be sectioned and put under secluded nursing.

It's strange talking about this in such a matter of fact way as how I feel right now is confused... It's all so transient, I am having moments of calmness and during those times I am mingling with some of the other patients... One has kind of adopted me as her uncle despite being 15 years my senior (she is so frightened being here at the moment)... But at other times I am feeling very impulsively suicidal that I am closeting myself away... I dare not say anything to the nursing staff in case they over react... But by that very rational I know I am presenting more of a danger to myself.

Particularly nervous about tomorrow as my mum is coming to visit... I love my mum and she tries her hardest to be supportive... But there is always a kind of underlying tension when she comes... That I need to ensure her mind is at rest when she sees me... This takes a lot out of me while in hospital.

Off on a complete tangent a newly qualified nurse was talking to me about self harm today and I could see her cringe when she realised (in relation to Sui intent) that though she was advising me places to avoid for general self harm, she'd inadvertently educated me at the same time.

Sorry, as said... All a bit convoluted and I am having a rough time right now.