Facade, I'm the one who posted for older people, because I'm older than the "typical" teen anorexic. I think that ANY "minority" will understand the difficulty in not fitting the mold. As a woman over 40, my doctors don't think about Anorexia Nervosa as a possible explanation of my weight. That's for upper middle class white teenagers who are worried about grades and fitting in.

You're absolutely right, it is about coping. I've had periods of recovery from this, and periods of relapse. This is a relapse, the first in many, many years, and I was seeing a doctor and a therapist when it started. They must have noticed something -- I lost a third of my body weight in about two months, after all -- but it apparently didn't register with them. I'm not a teenager, after all, and even if I did have a history of AN, well, that's over and done with once it's been "cured" and the patient is out of her teens/twenties, right?

My family ignored it through my teens and twenties, as did my doctors. They must have seen signs, but of course one wouldn't want to admit there was anything going on that shouldn't have been.

What I know, and I think most of us here know, is that it feels like being in a prison cell -- we're alone, we can't let anyone find out, we have to hide it. My mother came to visit us today, and I managed to make it look as if I was eating just fine -- and wore pants two sizes too large, and a very baggy T-shirt. She probably felt pretty good, seeing me eat so much and obviously bigger than I was. The scale this morning, though, told a different story. The lowest weight yet.

I feel trapped. It sounds as if you feel trapped, too. Eating disorders can do that to you, it's the one thing I think we all have in common -- no matter what our age or race or gender. My cultural heritage is Eurasian, with some Turkish blood way back there. Mostly everyone is BIG in my family, and I look nothing at all like them. That adds to the feeling of isolation. My mother and I have grey eyes, but everyone else looks quite "ethnic" -- even slight epicanthic folds! Feeling like a foreigner in one's own family is damned difficult, no doubt about it. (Oh, yeah, and I"m married to a foreigner, too.)

I'm glad you found this place, Facade, and I hope you continue to find support here. Personally, I am not at all offended by your asking for others of color, because it does make a difference. Even if you don't find others here, though, we all have something in common, and that common ground can still be helpful.