i'm excited about my promotion, but haven't told you about it yet. because i'm feeling the urge to run away from therapy again. going deeply into those feelings the other day during the energy work stirred up a bunch of stuff. i wish we could have several hours together in one sitting to talk this out. even if i could afford it i don't think you'd do it. i'm feeling the feels tonight, i'm not trying to stuff them down with food, i don't even feel hungry in the slightest and I haven't eaten since lunch. i just need to feel these feels and somehow let them go too like i let the rest of the stuff go the other day. i am too dependent on you. and i don't want to be. i love you and i don't want to love you. i want to be free of you but i can't imagine not having you in my life even in the limited way you are in it. i want to type words here that PC will replace with stars. i need to go to bed.