i was a victim of molestation in childhood. i had kept it for many years. never told anyone until i was college. i thought i was going crazy. i still think i'm going crazy. i really regret my life as i look back to how my life had become because of the abuse. i think i never had experienced real joy. i'm confused with how it is felt. i don't know. my "real" self was a big secret. i perceive it this way. i think that nobody knows me and that nobody should know me even if i had named many best friends. i still don't know if there was trust in any friendship i had.