Is there a help line or suicide prevention help line in your country? If not, can you find one to email like the British Samaritans, or other places like that on the Internet? People really do want to help and they have helped me.
Sometimes delaying what you want to do for a time helps to allow the anxiety to reduce. I have been told intense anxiety usually reduces in an hour or 1 1/2 hours if you can occupy yourself and set goals for short periods like 15 minutes at a time.
Sometimes writing everything down I'm thinking and feeling and different ways to look at them with pros and cons of different actions helps.

Keep posting here at least to get the support of people like me who really want you to find what is the best for you.
Maybe check out

LifeSIGNS | user-led self-harm small charity

Their 15 minute rule often helps me to survive!