Another Saturday, another huge struggle to fill time adequately without binging, purging or spending the entire day walking to get rid of the stuff going round in my head. I feel exhausted before I've even left the bedroom and I still have a whole day ahead of me.

My main tick box; walk (but not more than the designated limit), go to the gym (again limited), eat (but not too much, ideally nothing but I'm not allowing myself to go there...) and try to sort out how to spend a Saturday night safely (I struggle with this a lot) I feel really stressed out. I'm worried I'll end up binging and purging because I'll have eaten and still feel hungry, (bulimia seems to get rid of the hungry feeling like nothing else. It's depressing.) I was thinking about going out to the cinema but at the moment I'm having huge issues with sound and other people eating really irritates me. The idea of being in a cinema surrounded by people who seem to think the cinema is the place for the biggest banquet known to man, complete with near constant rustles of carrier bags and mobile phones going off... I just don't know how long I'll last. I can't afford the Ballet or Theatre (which I'd rather do) and have no energy for anything else. Eating is obviously out of the question.

I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like curling up into a ball but my ED filled head could never let that happen and even if it did, I know the depression and anxiety would only get worse. I feel like I don't have a space I can call my home because everywhere I go; there I am.
Eating disorders combined with depression are a nightmare.