I am so sorry you are going through this and I see myself in what you're writing.

I would suggest you see a therapist immediately as they will listen to your concerns without judging you and you can work a way out of this slope you're in. When making an appointment, make sure to tell the therapist it's quite an urgent matter.
Maybe seeing a doctor (general or psychiatrist) would be helpful; depending on how well the therapy goes you might need medication for this anxiety you describe but I would definitely try it with a therapy first.

If the thoughts become unbearable and you think of harming yourself or doing other dangerous things, please to go the nearest ER. They will know how to give you relief and professionnally help you out of this dark place.

You shouldn't let this drag on, as it may only become worse. Please stay strong, you can get out of this and you're definitely not alone.