I really don't know what to do. I write this with tears streaming down my face.

I have been having strong suicidal thoughts for several days. On one hand I want to die but on the other I don't quite have the guts to pull it off. I have tried many times to seek professional help but because I have been burned multiple times have never been able to fully trust anyone to the point where they were able to help. I can feel myself getting worse each day. It has gotten to the point where I can't control my emotions any more. I start crying for no reason and as a man it is not ok to cry.

I have given up on therapy because I have no clue what to do. My last therapist asked something to the effect of "What do you want to accomplish from this?" And I can't answer that. I guess that means I am not really looking for help?

I am at my wits end and don't know what to do. Each day it gets harder and harder to hold on. I feel like I am a constant burden to those around because of this. Maybe if I did just follow through I would no longer be a burden and they could move on. I literally feel like screaming right now, but what what would that accomplish?