Currently I'm reading a book titled": The Practice of Lojong: Cultivating Compassion through Training the Mind by the late Traleg Kyabgon... (Foreward by Ken Wilber.) Lojong is an ancient Tibetan Buddhist practice. The word "Lojong" actually translates as "mind training". The practice of Lojong is also advanced in the writings of the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön.

In the Introduction to this book, Kyabgon wrote: "To think that we can put an end to our own suffering without thinking about others is the biggest misconception we have. It is also a misconception we have inculcated in ourselves from time immemorial... we actually need others in order to develop ourselves as human beings. It is not true that we only develop when we feel loved, cared for, appreciated, respected, and admired; we also grow when we are despised, belittled, held back, and denigrated."

There are two important points here. One is that we help ourselves when we help others, & we can only progress when we do. The other is that, while we would certainly prefer to be loved, we can also progress when we are not. Both states can contribute to our development if they are approached from the correct perspective. As Pema Chödrön has written, the people & situations that "push our buttons", that make us angry or frustrated, show us where we're stuck. In that sense, one could even look at them as little teachers themselves. And, as such, we can welcome them into our lives... with compassion...