Are we talking about a letter you actually send or something addressing the abuser that's just for you/something not meant to be given to the abuser?

It was important for me to journal, sometimes addressing my father, and parsing out everything that happened. I lived in denial of the sexual abuse for so long that I have to reclaim and look at my personal history in a new perspective. So out of nowhere some things will just hit me, "Oh that's what that was all about" and then I'll journal furiously.

It's not fun and it feels like sometimes I'm spending 24 hours a day thinking about the molestation, but it's a part of healing and every day is better. The difference between how I felt at the end of August and how I feel now in October is incredible.

Would I ever actually send a letter to my dad or confront him about the abuse? No, not unless I decided I wanted to press charges, which is within my rights until I'm 48 years old (statute of limitations in my state). My abuser is a narcissistic sociopath -- he's not going to change. He's never felt remorse for anything he's ever done and he's not going to admit he was sexually inappropriate with me throughout my life.

With my father, it was all about control. His aim from the moment I was born until the day I stopped speaking to him, was to control me and dominate me. If he was here right now, he'd be doing it right now. This advice helped me finally face the truth: You are the authority on your experience. No one else. You don't need anyone to interpret what happened for you or validate your feelings about the abuse. You don't have to hide; the shame isn't yours. It belongs to the abuser. Trust yourself and give yourself that power to say what it is you know in your heart to be true. The abuser doesn't have to accept the truth, it's there whether we accept it or not.