Sorry you haven't had a response until now. I guess it's unclear what the question is here. For what it's worth, I relate to what you're saying.

It's unclear whether you're still living at home with mom or living on your own now. I think if you're not independent that should be your focus right now. Get yourself free.

I think being independent and being away from your mother for an extended period will give you a wealth of insight as well as peace of mind. Stay away as much as you can. It's obvious she upsets you greatly and you need the space and autonomy to nurture yourself for a while.

We don't always get the parents we deserve. It's a shame, but there's hope on the other side in adulthood.