Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruari
I don't know if it's as black and white as who is right or wrong, though I do believe you're being abused verbally, mentally, and emotionally. Some of the things you've experienced are exactly what my mother used to do and/or say to me as I was growing up. It was only the two of us--she shunned all relationships, and all but demanded I do the same. While I'm somewhat introverted, I'm an only child and had kind of a natural inclination to make friends at school. As I got into high school, she didn't handle this well and the abuse got worse. It was something that was incredibly defeating, caused me to be somewhat "stunted" in my relationships with others, and I never had any real security growing up. But long story incredibly short, I was put into foster care at 15 and that is the last time I saw her. Though I will always bear scars from that upbringing--I don't know how to read people, tend to default to always being on alert in relationships, and my horrible trust issues are almost legendary within my friend group, lol--I am thankful that I got out when I did because I believe that it saved me.
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I wanted to focus on this, because it struck me.
I mentioned in my previous post (if you want to go through that wall of text, lol) that my mom is a ridiculous classist. That and genuine difference from people around us is why she didn't have any friends in the area (just a few old friends from school that she talked to occasionally on the phone). For the most part, we were a white collar family in a blue-collar area. My mom was often one of the only people in a group who had a college degree, and basically had nothing in common with other parents. I can half-understand it.
Me? I was naturally asocial for years, and my parents didn't believe in forcing socialization. According to my mom, I often appeared depressed around other children, but perked right up when I came home. I naturally pushed people away, rejected invitations, etc. People here on PC have suggested it's some kind of intimacy fear. My social interest only began to kick in during my late teens. Basically it was never addressed when I wonder if it could have been.
Add to that the fact that both my parents are quite introverted. In fact, my mom has brushed off my concerns about my asociality with that: I worry about how distant and separate I am from other people, how difficult I find it to make friends or relate to others. My mom just told me "Your father and I are the same way. There's nothing wrong with it." Well it bothers
me, isn't that enough?
I don't mention my dad because he hasn't been around for most of my life: he died when I was 7. It's mostly just been me and my mom: I remember she used to call us "the world's smallest family", and had this subtle emphasis on staying together, supporting each other, etc, that I seldom really felt. Admittedly, I did fear losing her - when she was in a deep depression she would sometimes talk about suicide, and yes, I was terrified of being an orphan. Yet now I realize how much that emphasis on togetherness has changed. In the last few years when I tried to get counseling, my mom developed this attitude that if anyone suggests she did something wrong, or was exasperating my issues, let alone causing them, they were "trying to turn me against her"...against "the only person who cares about [me]", which quite frankly, disturbs me.