The fact that your "spidey-senses" are tingling says to me that things are headed somewhere that you don't feel comfortable with.

This could be either that your coworker is getting too hands-on with you and you realize that's not a good thing, or it could be that you feel your emotions getting more involved that you feel is safe. Or it could be both.

Would it be possible just to dial things back a little? If it's possible just to interact with him a little less and have things go back to a more comfortable place, that would be good.

If that won't work, the other option is to have a talk with him about what you think is a bad idea - the touching and whatever else.

I am the type of person to try the indirect way first in a situation like this. There are many non-verbal ways to let someone know they need to back off a little. Sometimes that's all that's needed.

If you do end up having to do "the talk", stressing your concern about the impression your co-workers and managers will get is a safe way to phrase things.

From what you've written, your co-worker doesn't sound like a bad person. If the two of you have worked together for as long as you have and nothing has happened, that makes me think that he's not a bad person.

I've been in both kinds of work situations in the past - 1) a guy who is friendly and chatty because he wants to take the relationship outside the office, and 2) someone that I was genuinely friends with for years and we had just a touch of flirtation in our relationship.

I had to pretty much cut off interacting with the first guy, but I always felt safe with the second.

You sound like you've got the second type of guy who may be starting to let himself get a little too friendly. He may be having the same sort of misgivings that you are. It's not always easy to know what's in someone's head.

I will say that it's important to be careful. That old story about the frog in the slowly heating up water comes to mind. A work relationship can have that aspect to it because you see the other person so often.

I don't know if you journal or write things down to get them clearer in your mind. I think that might be helpful in this situation.

I won't go so far as to say that I think you should cut off your friendship with this guy. That sounds like a last resort. You'll have to make that call.

I do think that the "work spouse" type relationship should feel safe. If that type of relationship works the way it's supposed to, it's a close friendship that enhances the lives of both people.

If it's causing you anxiety and concern and the two of you aren't able to adjust your interactions so that things feel comfortable and safe, then I think you probably know that it might be better to spend less time together.

I hope that you'll be able to get things back to a level that you're comfortable with.

Oh - have you met his wife? Ideally, if you have a close male co-worker, it's better if you've met his wife and she likes you. I don't know if your workplace has parties, etc., where you would naturally meet her.