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Oct 26, 2015, 07:53 PM
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Grand Poohbah
Community Liaison
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Member Since: Jan 2011
Location: Surrey, SE London, UK
Posts: 1,628
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Hello everybody and thanks very much for your honest input. I can soooooo identify with everything all of you said. From being scared of yourself, like as in scared to not having something pressing to do which will help to keep you away from food/binging/restricting and purging. I don't work now as I'm 56 and on social govenment sick benifit, but when i did work I worked 7 days a week, mainly, if I'm honest because it kept me to busy to binge/starve and abuse laxatives etc. I was ALWAYS very busy, if i had nothing planned to do, I'd make darn sure I filled up the void with anything ~~ diddn't matter what as long as it kept me away from food!! I feel extremely FAT and UGLY now, as for 8 months (until end of May this year when I lost him) I was nursing my Dad and time was in very short supply. I'd lost quite a lot of weight and was on the low side for my height (sorry, I'm not allowed to mention figures), well, very low weight for me. I diddn't force myself to loose weight, it was all of ther running around to various hospitals and consultants. Since Dad went in May, I've gained everything that I lost and more besides, I'm disgusted, and even severe restricting isn't working, as heavy laxative abuse is not either, nothing I've done in the past that rid me of access weight works anymore. I'm sure I've messed up my body too much, I got into all this ED lark when i was around 19 and it's never left me. Im diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder and with that comes the various ED's, self harm etc etc.
I hope when I come back most of you may have found something to help you feel better.
Sending much LOVE and HUGS. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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