Thank you for your feedback. All of this is pretty much what I was thinking as well.
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Originally Posted by jo_thorne
...your coworker is getting too hands-on with you and you realize that's not a good thing, or it could be that you feel your emotions getting more involved that you feel is safe. Or it could be both.
Would it be possible just to dial things back a little? If it's possible just to interact with him a little less and have things go back to a more comfortable place, that would be good.
If that won't work, the other option is to have a talk with him about what you think is a bad idea - the touching and whatever else.
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I don't think I need to have a talk at this point. The prospect is just...ugh. What I see in him is this big, last-born, Tigger-ish, extroverted personality whose main goal is to make everyone around him happy. And he is a very good guy; that's what makes me attracted to him, and makes him everyone's favorite. I do think there can't be anymore hugging, because that was just...oooooof. It was too much. Dopamine and oxytocin had me flyin' high, let me tell you. And that is not a good thing when it comes to this situation. I think next time he throws his arms wide I'll make a joke out of it and say, "Hey B, how about a nice friendly pat on the shoulder instead?" I can handle that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jo_thorne
You sound like you've got the second type of guy who may be starting to let himself get a little too friendly. He may be having the same sort of misgivings that you are. It's not always easy to know what's in someone's head.
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I agree. The few non-coworker friends I've talked to about this (I don't say
anything to coworkers) think the same, that we have obvious chemistry and that maybe he's just not being as careful as he should be. I mean, some guys are incredibly obtuse. I do think of him as sort of the work significant other...sort of. But I have another. The difference between him and the other is that a) I am incredibly attracted to him b) there isn't the same...click?...with the other as with him. And if the other flirts, it's so ridiculously over-the-top obnoxiously obvious that it's just a joke.
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Originally Posted by jo_thorne
Oh - have you met his wife? Ideally, if you have a close male co-worker, it's better if you've met his wife and she likes you. I don't know if your workplace has parties, etc., where you would naturally meet her.
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Yes, I have. Once. A few of my coworkers are friends with her and I had heard about how super awesome and sweet she was prior to meeting her, but she was a bit cool toward me. She came in with the kid one day a few years ago to drop off his lunch. When she walked in, B and I happened to be standing at a counter talking. Good distance between us, no leaning in, we wear the same thing to work and it's not sexy (lol), you get the picture. He introduced her (or maybe I introduced myself), I shook her hand and said it was nice to meet her (and chatted with the kid), and she was just...standoffish. So Idk if she'd heard of me, or if I came off as threatening, or if she was just tired. But it was weird. Incidentally, that's also right about the time he stopped the FB liking/commenting. *shrug* idk. PS We do have parties--really cool ones--but I've been working for the ones where I'd have a chance to naturally interact with them. Maybe this Christmas.
Anyway. Thanks for the great response!