Quote:
Originally Posted by Purple Heart
Thanks Louemz for your reply. I'm suggesting cutting off people out of your life who have caused a person terrible pain. I wonder what is the value of being re-traumatised every time you see someone who abused you as a child? Then having to play 'happy family' at the same time and pretend you get on well. And I agree it is not always black and white, sometimes you have to have contact re: funerals. weddings, etc. But I have read and watched on Youtube, survivors who have gone no contact due to having an unhappy life from having continual contact with an abuser.
And I am respecting what each person's story, why do you think I'm not? I guess what I meant by my earlier post is that I'd like to hear from people abused by their sisters. And also stories from male survivors. So far it seems we have only heard about abusive brothers.
PH
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Ah okay. I understand better what you were trying to suggest now. Apart from the situations in which I'm forced to keep in contact with my abusers that I mentioned above, I have absolutely no contact and that was a decision I made as soon as I graduated high school and left my hometown. There's no connection whatsoever through social media, my mum doesn't talk about them over the phone and when I go back to visit I stay in separate accommodation. It's more complicated than that but I'd have to write a novel.
You asked what the value in being retraumatized is when you do have to see the person. For me, it's a compromise. What's the value in missing the funeral or wedding of someone you love for the sake of someone who victimised you. For me (and I know it's different for some), avoiding the abuser feels like I'm being victimised anyway. The reason being that this person/people still hold power over me by making me miss out on important life events. It's very hard and has left me very conflicted in the past.
Also, I don't think you're disrespectful towards others...it's just that the way you phrased your post came off as a little agressive and accusatory to those who can't break contact for whatever reason. It probably wasn't your intention but in a thread that's so personal, sensitive and triggering it can come across that way initially.
Thanks for the reply.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Louemz
In most situations that bring families together, it's not so "simple" to avoid contact. Weddings, funerals, etc. often force these situations upon us. Family dynamics often complicate these situations further as certain members will avoid bringing up the past or deny it completely. In my case, after telling my mother that I was abused by my stepfather (emotional and mildly sexual) and stepgradfather (sexual) she acknowledged it but is still in a relationship with him. Everybody's situation is different and to suggest a blanket solution of cutting off all contact is frankly ignorant.
Also, nobody is stopping male members from sharing their stories. Of course abuse occurs for both genders. I don't see anybody here suggesting that it doesn't. Everyone has their own story. Respect ours and we'll respect yours.
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