I have some meds but have so many problems to face .
I find myself searching the internet for methods of self harm . I know that's bad but it keeps coming up in my mind . I talk myself out of it . From all the activity about it it is common topic . I don't want that but it is hard to fight the thoughts . I try to get busy and let time pass , night mares and overwhelming thoughts are a plague to me .
I am getting some sleep but the mornings are still hell to face . I feel like a rag doll that is in tatters .
I have to talk it out , I don't know how long I can push myself with mindless hard labor tasks. Facing some problems will be very very hard .
I have burnt some of my support people up , I can't stand myself sometimes .
I can't do the normal moving forward stuff , All around me people are making progress and I can't even start . I feel like am getting weaker sometimes mentally and physically . I hate this depression rut . Two months of this is hell. I don't want some people to know what I'm going thru but it is getting harder to hide . I was very active and now nothing . Trying to talk it out !
I've got to remember -lots of people have it worse than me and they come back to fight another day . They too have made dumb mistales like me . But It is still hard to accept my failures .