I am currently in therapy due to workplace difficulties (my choice) and my initial diagnosis was Aspergers because I had what he called a very "flat affect" which means I don't show emotion.

In an odd way, I feel as if in my daily life I express emotion plenty and as often as anyone. I just don't with him because I don't see the point... but then again, if I think about it, I must not be as expressive as I think because the reason I am in therapy is my co-workers complaining I am cold and distant and "rarely smile" and "don't care about anything" and I guess I don't actually *feel* much. I just never thought about it and I can recognize and match other's emotions but I guess I don't do it consistently enough because honestly sometimes I just don't feel like it. Or it doesn't seem all that needed.

I think at first my therapist thought I wanted to develop social skills but I think I have them, at least in terms of reading other people, understanding their perspective, and knowing what to do. It is more an issue of persistent apathy and inability to keep up the persona. And I don't know whether I want to change but it seems to me I am incapable of these emotions and human connections. And really, in line with the "no emotions" thing I've realized I don't ever miss people though I might get bored from time to time so if it were an option I'd isolate myself completely. I almost have. I just still need a job which is where the problem lies. It is not that there is a socially confused person wanting to fit in, trapped behind some wall of icy non-emotion, but rather, someone who doesn't care but has to meet the expectation of being able to. Which puts me at constant conflict with other people.

Now he seems confused by me and a little hung up on the notion of whether I've always been like this (I have another (physical) issue that requires medication and he seems caught on the idea that is maybe causing this). But I really have always been this way. Like I said, I've always felt more or less normal so I always had reasoning as to why I was this way... I figured I was never sad because nothing really sad happened but I've had a friend die ("well I'm not that sad because we weren't that close"), my grandmother die ("she was old, it happens!"), and my uncle just died young of cancer a couple months ago, he was the only member of my family I was somewhat close to but I still felt nothing so the evidence is stacking against me. Or for more bizarre non-emotive situations but all I remember registering is a mild surprise. All of this much before I needed any medication.

I started therapy just to see if there was a known reason why I can't seem to connect with others or emote/feel much about anything. As well as the fact I have annoying memory and motivation problems. I am pretty sure at this point that if automatic billpay wasn't an option I'd still be homeless. And considering my apathy and lack of motivation/willpower extends to eating I only maintain some semblance of health by dropping money on **** like Soylent also if a new health problem arises I can never seem bothered enough to actually go to a doctor. Though, my therapist doesn't seem as concerned about these things, his advice on food was to not think about it and focus on actually getting it done, which, I mean "just do it" is kind of the obvious advice there and I've tried it before. So, didn't quite work for me and I haven't really pressed the matter even if I'd think it is more concerning than my lack of interest in relationships.

All I really wanted was an answer to why things are like this but he doesn't know and since therapy is basically "getting to know someone" (or worse, really, it's "someone getting to know you") I find it challenging and a bit tiring and at this point I want an answer so I can get a clear idea of what needs to be done to resolve the things that need resolved or I want out... but he doesn't know the answer, he's never seen anyone like me, so, I figured this forum might seem a place to ask. Does any of this sound familiar? Obviously I don't expect a diagnosis but are there any known options to explore because I feel like we're about to run up against a dead end.

Sorry for the length I just wanted to be clear but I guess the tl;dr version is: I have no emotions or desire for human/emotional connections and my therapist is confused.