This is mostly just to vent and complain, maybe some of you feel the same way especially if you see a psych nurse and not a doctor. I am on medications...I am not overmedicated as I have been in the past and I am not sure if I might even be on the low end of dosage for the meds I'm on. Don't get me wrong I don't like being overmedicated, but I still experience a lot of symptoms. The meds I'm on now still let a lot of my crazy shine through, almost always hypo/manic symptoms. I get very exuberant and gregarious, often going on long rants and saying/doing things I regret. The medicine seems to do juuuust enough to keep me living in one place and not taking off like I was prone to do before.

A funny thing happened recently. I was out with a few other people about a month ago, actually it was a group of all men besides me (I was with my fiance). I was feeling good and I think I was saying some pretty outlandish stuff or something because he looks me right in the eyes and says to me "You're a little bit crazy, aren't you?" in a way that I immediately took offense to. I proceeded to let this man have it I unleashed some verbal wrath on him in front of everyone there. We left the establishment and I continued to talk with him for the next ten minutes or so, explaining why it's not cool to say that to someone you don't know, that it's unkind, not ok behavior, and so on like I was his mom or something. He ended up apologizing. It was very awkward. I regret the whole event.

So my point here is that other people can clearly see that there is something off about me, which is unsettling. Anyone else have others notice your crazy? I don't think it's normal to be going on tirades like this. I think others are intimidated by my honesty and at times harshness. When I was on lithium I was a smaller person, mostly depressed and didn't talk as much.

I thank my meds because I can tell that right now if I wasn't on them my life would be complete chaos right now...but are they doing enough? On top of everything else I have spent all my money. $5000 gone. My problems are seriously too many to list right now.

Just frustrated with the low level of care I get from these poorly managed agencies. I only get 15 minute appointments with my psych nurse each time and it's just simply not enough time to explain everything to her and she doesn't seem to care that I still experience symptoms and she never explains anything to me, which is what I want.

I don't know .What do you guys think? I have now tried every agency in the neighboring town and am considering trying to find a good doctor in the nearest city, but honestly I can't really handle the undertaking right now.