Quote:
Originally Posted by Werewoman
What would you do if your lady completely lost her libido?
I am 53 and have had every test, and the fact is, this has happened to me simply because of my age. I can still have and enjoy sex, I just don't have 'that feeling' anymore.
This has created a nightmare in my marriage. First my husband takes it personally. He thinks I no longer find him desirable - which couldn't be further from the truth. I find him just as desirable as I did the first time I laid eyes on him in 1990. I just don't have any 'incentive' to initiate sex because my body just doesn't work the way it used to. He insists that if I still find him desirable, I should initiate sex - like to the point where I feel so pressured, I just can't.
Part of the problem is sexual abuse I experienced as a child, but I am working hard with my therapist on that one.
I would love to be the kind of wife that greets her husband at the door when he comes home wearing something sexy, or better yet, nothing at all.  I know it is in me to be that woman, and I don't know what's holding me back - which is what my therapist and I are trying to find out. I know part of the problem is my past (I also have PTSD), but I'm starting to wonder if his expectations are contributing to the problem.
Any advice or help anyone can offer (male or female) would be appreciated.
Thanks,
 WW |
My wife is a bit younger than you and in the midst of menopause and also has CSA in her past. It's all very tough and she's got the same feelings as you. She swears she loves me more than ever but simply cannot bring herself to think about sex. We're lucky if we make love once every couple months.
To answer your question specifically, I masturbate ALOT and try to be as patient as possible. I could never cheat on her and/or go to a prostitute. I have supported her unfailingly as she's worked with her T on her issues. But, it's very hard to be patient over several years and I definitely feel unwanted. I have been very sad lately and have told her that I feel a distance between us growing due to lack of intimacy.
I just need her to occasionally be there for me. That doesn't mean I want her to drop to her knees and service me at my beck and call or meet me at the door naked and ready (although that would be wonderful) but over the past 3 years or so she has not once ever said "let's just take care of you today" like JLarissa says. A few of those a year would go a long way towards reassuring me that she's mindful of my needs. That would be incredible. If I had that, then "handling" the rest myself to supplement wouldn't feel so desperate and lonely.
She's got the sexuality of a 70 year old woman who is satisfied with cuddling and sex once a year and it's very sad for me to think that I still would like to make love twice a week but have come to the realization that for the rest of my life I'm only going to be able to make love a handful of time a year, maybe. She says that she's trying to be mindful of my/our needs as a married couple while she gets her issues straight but she has yet to try and says that she knows she needs to get better. My fear is that IF she ever gets things straight, it won't be until my libido is gone forever. I'm not getting any younger.
