I too sometimes wish I were still manic, where everything is awesome. Right? I often wonder, too, where my confidence ended and my most recent mania began. The mania ended in June, then I swung downward, but not really I'm a bipolar depression. More like, "How can you not feel down even if you're not clinically depressed after being so high?"

Also, "How can you not compare what was to what is in terms of how you feel, regardless of what the ramifications were?" (In my case, a huge financial disaster.)

As far as shame goes, I feel ya'! I think it's part and parcel of the disorder, but one we can learn to manage better by recognizing that we never asked to be bipolar, and it's not like we went manic or fell into depression on purpose.

It's cliche but true too, to ask, "Would you blame a guy with a brain tumor for having a headache?No? You would treat it?" If you see the logic here, then maybe you can give yourself a little grace with the symptoms of your medical issue, too. Just a thought.

Take care!