I'm sorry to hear about the overwhelming pain you are going through. I'll start with something I know you've probably heard a thousand times before and that's that there are a lot of people out there who feel your pain. I read this and feel an instant connection with the pain I recently went through. The one person you had abandoned you in your time of need and now you feel as alone as ever. I won't sugar coat that pain, it sucks. Moving on from something like that isn't easy but time will heal, trust me. In the meantime, my advice is to take this time to focus on you. Better yourself, learn new things, develop new hobbies. They keep your mind busy and off of him and everything else. The first few months of my painful breakup I sat home with my thoughts and memories, it was a never ending hell it seemed. I truly hope things get better for you and you find comfort in something or someone else.