I went to a NA meeting tonight and picked up a white chip. I did well on the anniversary of my son's death, and the next day started drinking and smoking pot for a week. i once had 12 years of sobriety, then 41/2 years sobriety, then this last time 14 months. i was diagnosed bipolar 7 years ago and only relasped during hypomanic states. i'm not making excuses for myself, but in a stable state i would not even consider using. i have no doubts about being a addict/alcoholic. i'm afraid of being judged, "just don't pick up, no matter what." so i'm speaking to people with bipolar disorder with substance abuse issues. Have you relasped during manic episodes? is that common? I wonder if i should stop count ing days, because i feel like a failure when i relaspe. if there is someone who stays sober and clean in manic episodes, please give me some feedback as to how you do it. (please don't say, "one day at a time." i would appreciate any feedback, thanks everyone.

dorsey