I do all of those too. I'm not sure how well I am doing at stopping, either. It's not easy. I think it will be gradual and will take a lot of effort and practice. I think that one of the reasons for it is past relational trauma and it's effects on what we do in the present. When a situation resembles something from our past, we tend to act it out as if it were the same, and we miss how it is different. If you can recognize that the person you are interacting with now is not the same, and that the situation is different now too in some important ways, that seems like it would help. You will need to understand what happened in the past in order to recognize the differences. Journaling could be a big help, if focused and directed the way it needs to be.

I think that we talked before about Tian Dayton and "Heartwounds." I'd like to get back into that book myself and do more of the exercises, but I've been too bogged down with other stuff. She has other books too, that I would also like to read. http://www.hci-online.com/tdayton