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Justice said:
<font color="#000088">You heard what one of the others said about a guy that came from an online website. What if that guy you got the phone number from was wanted for worse, or even just had intentions of commiting worse crimes agains't you. You already are having such a rough time, and hurting. This kindof stuff will make things so much worse. And you really don't want that! Not the kindof things that go with that territory,of meeting up with strange men from adult websites.
Your life is worth a lot more than that, and so are you! I understand the craving to do something evil and destructive, but this way is not the way to go, it's way too risky. You don't want to risk the STD's, the possible violent nature of these men, and the risk of being raped,or even killed.
You can find another way to cope with your pain, without all that risk involved, and you really do need to talk to your T about getting more help. I would rather have an outstanding hospital bill from getting the help you need, than end up dead.
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this remids me..i know how it is, this masohcistic thing about sex.

i didn`t understand what was happening to me.
I HAD DAYS AND MOTHS OF REGRET.
it`s a trauma. it`s being abused.
it`s feeling totally helpless, thrown, even more scared. it`s having the illussion of physical pain days AFTER you were abuse. for that is what it is- abuse.
you thought of having pain-but things NEVER turn out the way we thingk the will!

and THIS kind of pain -even if you think you choose it at the begining-believe me-
YOU DON`T WANT THIS %#@&#!.