Hi everyone, this is my first post.

I am in my mid 40s and have been dealing with depression for most of my adult life. A couple of years ago I was re-diagnosed with dysthymia. I had never heard of it, but it seems to be the right diagnosis for me.

I know lots of people with depression, but I don't know anyone with a diagnosis of dysthymia. So I would like to find other people with this diagnosis. I'm trying to figure out who I am, and how much of that is because of dysthymia, and what it means to have this disorder.

My therapist mentioned that dysthymia can be quite hard to treat, compared with episodes of depression that come and go. I'm glad she was honest about it, and I believe she is right, but it makes me feel sad. No one wants to have a disorder that is hard to treat, or that is persistent despite efforts to treat it.

I'm on Effexor, after trying over a dozen meds over the years. Most of them had side effects that were intolerable - like a severe rash, or high prolactin levels (ie not the kind of side effects you can just try to live with). I desperately wanted to be able to take some of these meds but I couldn't. Effexor keeps me well enough to function, I guess, but I still have a lot of symptoms of low mood and anxiety. I don't think there is another med that would be better for me. I live in hope that one might be developed in the future.

I find therapy helpful but it is hard to understand and learn what I need to change. I also have mild Aspergers (which I know is now called ASD). So I find it hard to think in the abstract, which might help me do cognitive behavioural therapy successfully. My concentration, cognition and memory aren't great these days, which also create issues in this area. My therapist is always saying it's possible to work on my negative thought patterns but it doesn't feel possible. I want it to be though, so I keep trying to figure out how to do that.

Overall, I am trying to do my best to be positive, and active, and to have hope for the future. At the moment I am so tired... I have physical issues with fatigue... it's hard to be positive. But I feel that if I reach out here, finding others with dysthymia could help... at least in feeling that I am not alone.

I do have much to be grateful for... a stable home, family who care, access to healthcare... and these things are more than some people have. So I am not complaining. I just want to be healthier, like I was years ago.

Thank you in advance for your support and hugs.