That was short and sweet, divine, and I think you've got the right idea.

S.P., you are such a well-meaning person that you want to cooperate and be willing to give this a chance. That's good of you even though your gut is telling you this is possibly going to backfire on you. I'm inclined to agree with your gut. But any experience can be a learning experience. You will, indeed, learn something from this, but probably not much that is positive.

I would caution you to keep your guard up and don't be too forthcoming with your thoughts and feelings. And try not to be provoked into a reaction by anything your MIL says.

Your husband is not caught in the middle between parents and wife. He is a man who never emotionally emancipated himself from his mother. (That probably won't happen, until she dies.) A smart therapist will see that. It is your MIL who is the one on the middle. She has placed herself in the middle between you and your husband. Give that some thought. I think it's the real problem. She is able to be in that position only because her son allows it. Realistically, he doesn't have the wherewithall to not allow it. Some things a person just can't change because they were instilled too firmly at too early an age. I believe a lot of people greatly over-estimate the powers of a therapist. The only way your MIL's grip is going to be loosened is if your husband stops working for his father. Moving further away would help, but it is that job that is really preventing your husband from fully maturing into an independent person. As long as he has it, he will be overly compliant toward his parents.

Your husband loves you and wants you to be respected, but, at the same time, he will jump through any hoop to placate Mama. After 12 years, this old dame knows you a lot better than you realize. She knows good and well that your husband is pleased with his marriage and derives plenty of love and support from it. So, no, your MIL is not going to appreciate that and be grateful for it. The fact that you are such a good wife is the very thing that makes her less important to her son. You are such a decent person that you can't imagine anyone thinking like that, or being motivated in that way. Your MIL would be far happier, if your husband were running over to her telling her how unhappy he was in his marriage. She'ld eat that up. That's hard for you to believe.

When you go to counseling, let Mama do the talking. Try to be more of an observer than a participant . . . at least initially. Mama's got a gameplan. Hang back and give her plenty of room to lay that out. In the business world they say that the person who does the most talking ends up as the loser in any deal that's negotiated. Let her talk and talk. When the therapist asks you to respond, try to say: "I'ld like my MIL to explain further about what she has brought up." Then let her talk and talk some more. She'll wind up giving away a lot and becoming more transparent. If she says something negative about you, don't defend yourself. Instead, say, "Gee, I didn't know you felt that way. How long has that been on your mind?" Then, "Gee, I'm so sorry you have that impression." This is a situation where power resides with the person who says the least.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes.