My boyfriend suffers from depression and it is getting increasingly hard for me to remain with him. When he is feeling well he is the most caring person I have ever met, but when he slips into a depressive episode he becomes emotionally abusive and alternates between blaming me and himself. I am looking for guidance with this issue.

This began about 3 months ago. I had always known he was very sensitive and at times a very negative person (we had been friends for a year before we started dating) but we both were unaware of the deeper issues at play. About 3 months ago he became preoccupied with my sexual past, which is not by any means abnormal, and everything went downhill. He is extremely insecure and about every week like clockwork he confronts me with all of his doubts. I am currently abroad, so for the past 2 months this has all been over the phone or skype. I encouraged him to seek counseling and he continues to go, but he has only spiraled deeper into his depression. He now thinks he is unworthy of anything, unloveable, and undeserving of me at his best points. At his worst, he blames me for everything and tells me he is horrified to get close to me.

Recently he told me he doesn't even want to engage in any sexual practice with me when I return because he does not want to connect with me in this way and has encouraged me to seek sex elsewhere if I want it. This has been absolutely damaging to my emotional state. I feel unwanted, worthless, and degraded in his eyes. I know it's because of his mental illness but I am becoming unable to separate him from that and I am worried I won't be able to take much more. I can't walk away as he is the most amazing person I have met and he doesn't want me to leave because he is working on "fixing himself." I have turned into a timid person who cries at the drop of a hat and have reverted back to my anxious state that I was in a year ago.

It was extremely out of the blue. He asked me about my past and told me I didn't have to tell him if I didn't want to but that it wouldn't change anything. I didn't want to lie and I believe it is important to be open in my relationships so I told him the truth. Well that night he could not even look at me and slept with his back turned to me, even crying. I could have never foreseen this coming. Now, he is fixated on it and it has caused even more problems to arise. He blames me for him not feeling like a man, because I have had more sexual partners - never mind that most were due to a college lifestyle of drunken hookups while his were more meaningful.

He has distanced himself from me emotionally because he is afraid I'm going to hurt him again but yet is convinced I am the one he wants to be with in the future and often talks about it to attempt to cheer himself up. I have done all kinds of research on depression and supporting a partner with it and have truly been here for him, even talking him down when he was contemplating suicide. He told me I saved his life and he is thankful to have me. But I just can't help thinking that maybe my presence is causing all this and it would be better for both of us if I leave.

've tried to be rational and calm in my responses to his feelings and accusations, offered him advice from what I have learned online, and stepped away from the conversation when it's gotten too volatile. However, all of this barely puts a band-aid on the depths of his issues.

I have put my needs on the back-burner for a long time and now every time I try to address the things I need from him he becomes defensive and turns the situation around back to himself. I began this process very stable and confident in my ability to be a voice of reason but now I am completely defeated. I don't know how to get myself back on track and I am trying not to give up but it's getting increasingly difficult.

I truly love him and he is everything I could ever ask for but I don't know how to be what he needs. I am very open to any advice regarding depressed partners, especially if you are in a relationship and suffer from an MI yourself. Ending the relationship is a last resort for me.