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Sparky!
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Member Since Oct 2015
Location: UK
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Trig Oct 28, 2015 at 06:03 PM
 
I've recently been diagnosed with depression with psychotic features. I don't know if I agree with the diagnosis. I don't know what to think at the moment. I've had episodes of depression before but this has felt really different. I've never been so scared before.

I don't really know how to explain properly. It isn't what I would have thought of as anything to do with psychosis. I occasionally hear things / feel things that other people don't but the real issue is difficult beliefs. I've become completely obsessed with hell and eternity and how I'm going to end up there and there is no way out, ever, it will have no end, and that scares me so much. I'm permanently terrified. I think I've committed an unforgivable sin, I'm scared that I've sold my soul to Satan and I'm under his influence now. A lot of the time, nothing seems really real compared to death and hell and eternity. I can't really bring myself to care about anything because why would anything matter compared to that?

I don't know how to explain everything properly. Talking about things and trying to explain is difficult. Talking about some things seems wrong, and I'm too scared.

Medication seems to be starting to help a bit and I'm trying to start doing some of the things that have helped when I've been depressed in the past. Everyone keeps telling me that this is a mental health issue and I will get through it. I'm trying to believe that. I don't know if I do though.

I just wondered if anyone could relate. I do feel low but mostly I am just so, so scared all the time, I would swap this for the kind of depression I usually experience in a heartbeat. Has anyone felt like this and got through it? Is it possible to feel better?

I just need a bit of encouragement to keep going.

Last edited by bluekoi; Oct 28, 2015 at 08:27 PM.. Reason: Add trigger icon.
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