I was raised in a small fundamentalist cult growing up and left the church when I was 18 and explored different religions for a while. When I was 30 I joined the Seventh-Day Adventist Church which is another cult. I left the SDA about 5 years later after working for the local conference and seeing the corruption in the leadership.

Throughout my adult life, when I moved in with my parents, usually because of a marriage & financial problem, I have attended their church, the church that they raised me in. I only attended to prove to my father that I had straightened out my life and was trying to do what was right. I hated it, just like I did when I was a kid. The spiritual abuse would throw me into panic attacks. I would experience self-loathing, hating myself for my every perceived flaw.

The biggest mistakes I made: Returning to the original cult where I had been abused, joining a new cult (the SDA church), and TALKING to members of the original cult. Even the ones who I like, cannot be trusted because they are brainwashed and will judge me accordingly, they will tell my parents what I said, and they will ALWAYS take my parents' side against me. They will try to manipulate me into believing that I am wrong and that I need to return to their church. That is ALWAYS their motive. Protecting their church, their religion - NOT helping people, not protecting the innocent.

Many children, myself included, were abused in this church, and it was denied and covered up.

At this point in life, my faith in God is strong, but I have no faith in church whatsoever. I am terrified to step foot into a church. I am perfectly capable of praying and reading the Bible myself and do not need some self-proclaimed expert (pastor) to tell me what the Bible says.

The things that these people did, were not what Jesus would do. I am not sure what God they are following, but it isn't mine.