Quote:
Originally Posted by StbGuy
I've casually noticed something minor over the years, when people speak of their narcissistic parents. I think it might reveal something quite significant of how the child views the parent.
I've noticed many (not all) say "mother" instead of " my mother" or "father" instead of " my father" or " my dad".
I think that is significant. It shows in how high esteem this individual is held, it's almost a respectful and submissive address.
Now, please, before shouting at me, I know that many of you have overcome this initial fear and so on, after discovering your parents were narcissists, and you understand it now and so on, I just think this means of address is quite demonstrative as a residual or remnant of that time and illustrates quite well the initial respect/fear and almost awe these individuals were held in when we were kids, before we understood. It's almost like they are "larger than life" characters, that we think that even other people would call them "mother" or "father".
What I mean is you either say "my mom" or her name, e.g. "Margaret" when describing her to another person. To say "mom" to a stranger when speaking of your mom, to me is quite significant.
Sorry if I'm rambling total rubbish, it's quite hard to explain what I'm trying to say.   |
that is interesting... i wrote something where the character referred to parents in this way and i didnt actually think about why, it just seemed to fit the character... what you said is probably why it did fit the story.
i just found it hard how quick we all were to talk about how horrible narcissistic parents were and about narcissism as if one either were or were not a narcissist. and as if we can only accept someone if we say that they are not a narcissist...
we all have narcissistic qualities. i can accept when i am acting on my narcissistic qualities and only when acknowledging it can i change it... and if i can accept the narcissism in others, i can accept the narcissism in myself. i dont have to like it, but acceptance is important.
the part about narcissists and insecurity bugged me because it was almost like we failed to see the insecurity because that would be seeing narcissists as human. but this is why narcissists so quickly explode when someone confronts their inflated sense of self worth. if they were secure, they would not be triggered.
forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past--anne lamott.
(quotation key does not work).
also, i find it interesting and rather disturbing the research going on in social psychology on the rise of narcissism in western society.
to be human is to accept ourselves as we are, with our own history, and to accept others as they are--jean vanier.