I don't think you shouldn't have to hide your past or lie about who you are in a relationship. If a partner can't handle that you have a past, today, in the 21st century, it says way more about them than it does about you.

to me, this would be a big red flag.

His behaviour might have nothing to do with his depression -- he might just be one of those guys who start off all needy so you mother them and care for them and love them, and then, when they've sucked you in, they change.

They get critical, start monitoring you and end up controlling you. And maybe, after a while, you'll think it's okay and that you somehow deserve it because there's been a slow, gradual build up, and you keep looking for the nice guy you knew when you first met.

that nice guy? maybe he's a myth. maybe the real man is the man you have now.

I'm saying this because from the outside looking in, I don't like what I'm seeing.

He won't have sex with you after your disclosure. Maybe that's to make you feel dirty and cheap and not worthy of his love. You say that hurt you -- I'm not surprised. Your say you're putting your own needs on the back burner, you're anxious, you feel defeated -- all of this is red flag city, to me.

you feel anxious, now, around him. he's berating you, listing all your sins and issues, like clockwork. it's a classic tactic of abusers. They do it to break you and wear you down.

you do state he's emotionally abusive, and he's constantly checking up on you. If he wasn't depressed, would you tolerate this behaviour?

I reckon you probably wouldn't.

Just because somebody's ill, it doesn't give them a free pass to treat you badly. Abuse is abuse. It doesn't matter about the why.

If I was you, (obviously, I'm not!) I'd say goodbye. Quickly, and without fuss. No need to feel guilty. It's perfectly acceptable to end this relationship.

Yes, it's not nice to split up, but people do it every day. And yes, he'll text you, threatening to harm himself, he'll cry and tell you he loves you, but none of that will be your responsibility.

your responsibility, ultimately, is to yourself.