I'd document everything. the state of the house, the calls from the pharmacy, the emotional outbursts, etc, and seek help on her behalf from medical services. she might be depressed, she might have a personality disorder, she might even be a junky and you never realised.

(because emotionally, you're not available).

Maybe, though, more than anything, she needs a break. Hear me out!

No job, a distant husband, a kid with behavioural problems, no friends, no Mum for support -- it all adds up.

when did you last bring her a bunch of flowers? Compliment her on her hair, her eyes, that cute booty?

If you want things to change, maybe instead of hoping she will change, maybe you need to change your way of relating to her. You know you can't force somebody to change -- they have to want to. Stop berating and criticizing her. Nobody dies if there's butter left out on the side, nobody dies if the toys aren't tidied away nicely. Lighten up a bit on her. I know that's not easy, but... give it a go.

Set yourself a date in the future when you'll reconsider leaving, and until that date, keep off the subject.

Say, you give it six months.

in that time... employ a cleaner to come in once a week to keep on top of things. It doesn't cost that much and you wouldn't be so annoyed by the state of the place, then.

you could encourage her to go to the gym, or a dance/fitness class every week: help her create some space for herself away from the home. You, too, need something -- a hobby, a regular meet-up with the lads for a beer, whatever.

and, regular family time -- making pizzas together and watching a film, or having a picnic and a walk in the park costs very little, the kids will love it, and it means she gets out into the fresh air.

if, after all that fresh effort, nothing changes, then, maybe it's time to cut your losses. The kids are growing up learning about love in this space you've created, and you'll kick yourself when your lad brings home a girl who's just like his Mom and you will see it but he won't, and the cycle begins again.