She just says not to focus on it and sometimes i do a good job of that but when i do think about it i feel bad for letting myself not think about it and be happy cause what if i was happy and they died suddenly and i didn't know id feel guilty that those last moments weren't focused entirely on them.i just picture myself having a psychotic break i don't want to but im not stable as it is and i don't know when i will be and if i were to get stable that death would bring me back to square one so what is the point of progressing what is the point of being alive

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