I am trying to figure something out. Maybe PC posters can give me some clarity here. It's on the subject of relationships, whether they be friendships or romantic relationships, or acquaintanceships.

How long should a person be understanding, accepting, empathetic, forgiving, and overlook things that their friend/spouse/acquaintance does that they find hurtful? How long do they overlook it before they let that person know they have hurt feelings? How many times do they bring it up? How long do they let it go on before they decide to cut ties?

If somebody does something that hurts my feelings, I first try to be patient and understanding. I try to empathize with their situation and think of reasons why they might be acting that way. I give them the benefit of the doubt that they are not trying to hurt me intentionally and try to just overlook it.

But eventually, if I feel hurt enough, I will let them know in a tactful way that I'm feeling badly about something ("I feel bad that . . . ." or "It makes me sad that . . .." I try to be careful not to point the finger and blame them ("Why did you. . .?" "Why don't you. . .?") Then I give it a little time to see if they change what they are doing that has hurt me. . .or at least, acknowledge my feelings.

But if nothing changes, it is not long before I feel angry and undervalued enough to bring it up a second time. By that time, I will let them know straight out that I feel hurt by something they have done. I also might ask them if they value the relationship and want to continue it or not. I leave it up to them to decide.

Sadly, even if they say they are sorry and do care about me, I find that by that point, I don't believe them. I think if they did care, they would have responded when I first told them I felt hurt or sad about something in the relationship, rather than blowing it off and continuing on the same way until I'm ready to call it quits.

By then, I figure that I must care more about them than they do in return, and that I am more invested in the friendship than they are. Or maybe things have just changed for them, and the friendship is no longer a priority to them. Once I feel that way, I'm ready to cut ties and walk away.

It's not that I am trying to be mean or a hard nose, or even that I don't care about them anymore. I still do. But I've had too many relationships like this, and I've been hurt too many times because of it. I just can't do it anymore. I realize I've already reached my limit.

What are your thoughts? Experiences?