Hello adwhit22: Welcome to PsychCentral! PC is a great place to gain support as well as to obtain mental health related information. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here.

Yes, your laundering fantasy does sound unusual. But spend some time, here on PC, & you'll discover it certainly has plenty of company. People have all sorts of fantasies. It's great that your lady is so willing to work with your fantasy. This certainly makes things easier for you.

I've been watching a TV series on our local public broadcasting station (U.S.) titled: "The Brain with David Eagleman". One of the points that Eagleman has been making is that much more of who we are, & what we do, is controlled by our subconscious minds than we typically believe to be the case. I presume fantasies, such as the one you describe, emanate from those subconscious regions. Perhaps one day there will be a way for us to tap into those areas of our brains. Wouldn't that be interesting!