You aren't a sinner whatsoever. True Sinners don't feel bad.

As about sex, I don't think it's about sex at all. People crave emotional connection that happens in a romantic relationship. Sex is only one aspect of it. You yourself crave that as you said you are in love with your friend. So it's more than friendship. It's in human nature to crave companionship. People end up in relationships not because they need sex ( some do but not all). I am certainly not in love because I want sex. I can live without sex. And friendship is totally not enough in life.

I absolutely don't think Karma or G-d cause any of it. Maybe something in you makes you seek and pursue these men with whom nothing ever develops. Trust me I've been there until I started exploring why. Something to explore in therapy. I waited too long to start digging deep why things are the way they are. Life is too short to be unhappy. You deserve happiness

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